


Normal

by VexedBeverage



Category: Hat Films - Fandom, Hatfilms, The Yogscast
Genre: Depression, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 18:18:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10645404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VexedBeverage/pseuds/VexedBeverage
Summary: I have had this thing lying around for a while and wasn't sure what to do with it. I could have carried on with it and tried to make it more but it didn't feel right. Leaving this with where it ends feels right somehow.Very short fic about depression.





	Normal

He always felt like he was in the way. Like he was being an inconvenience just by existing and that acknowledging these thoughts would make him seem self-centred, arrogant and maybe worse of all that he was in some way self-destructive. 

That wasn’t it at all. If anything he couldn’t have cared less, complete apathy washed over him almost constantly, leaving him feeling hollow and a little distant from the world but ending it all was far from his thoughts. 

He wanted nothing more than for something, anything, to make an impact and shake him out of the nothingness but it never did, and the months marched into years and he stumbled on through his life. He made decisions based on those around him and those that logic dictated were the best for him but he didn’t really feel them. Feelings were something that had long since departed and he struggled to even remember what those things were or felt like. 

He supposed it was most apparent during the big events. He could get by birthdays and Christmas’ without much more trouble than a couple of comments about his lack of enthusiasm and a little ribbing about being a Grinch or jokes that he hated the passing of time because it meant he was getting older. It was the momentous occasions that gave those closest to him an inkling that something wasn’t right. Graduation, relationships, breakups, weddings and births. It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for those he loved, or that he would bring anyone down at these celebrations. It was more that he had only experienced a couple of them whilst his friends worked through them all, some multiple times. 

He plodded. Plodded through life and never got too involved in anything that required the extra effort from him unless it was for his friends. He did what he was required to and he never realised that there was more to life than what he had been experiencing. 

**********

Coasting was something that Trott just couldn’t do. There was always something to work towards, something to stay motivated for. Trott would have been lying if he said he found his best friends lack of the same motivation and forwards movement to not have frustrated him in the past. Mostly he was worried. 

At first he assumed it was just Ross’ personality. That he was so chill about everything that it came off as uninterested and bored with the world but the longer they stayed friends, the more apparent it became to Trott that it was something else. It just took him a while to figure out exactly what. 

They had been best friends and roommates for four years but he hadn’t seen it. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to see it, to admit to himself what was going on. It wasn’t until Katie stormed into their lives and brought it up that Trott actively admitted the issue and took it upon himself to try and help Ross in any way he could. 

She arrived in a whirlwind of red hair, open smiles and a lilting accent that caught Trott’s attention immediately. Some that they knew would say that it was love at first sight with the two of them but it wasn’t, it was more like an instant friendship between not just Trott and Katie but with Ross too. The three of them became almost inseparable within weeks. It wasn’t until almost six months later that Katie finally got sick of waiting for Trott to make a move and stood opposite him in the hallway of his own flat with her hands on her hips and practically interrogated him about his feelings before revealing her own, much to his relief. 

Once that revelation was out of the way, Katie moved on to the next. 

Katie climbed into bed next to Trott, pulling up her pillow to support her back as she leant against the headboard in a sitting position. “We need to do something.” She said without any context. 

Trott, being totally lost as to what his girlfriend was talking about simply sent her a questioning look. 

“About Ross.” She said, not really clarifying anything in Trott’s mind. She sighed and Trott could tell she was repressing the need to roll her eyes at him. “He needs professional help to deal with his depression.” 

Trott’s eyebrows drew together again and he voiced a question that was very rare in their interactions. “What are you talking about?” 

Katie wet her lips and tucked a stray curl behind her ear, studying Trott for a moment. “Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t know?” She asked, obviously surprised. 

Trott tried for a nod but it was more of a shrug, something deep down inside changing the gesture to be more truthful. “I know he isn’t always the life and soul of the party or whatever but, depressed?” 

“Depression isn’t always crying fits and suicide attempts, Chris.” Katie replied gently. “Sometimes it’s just sleeping and not wanting to do anything, or its being so down that you feel nothing.” 

Trott tried to keep denying it. “Ross is just a chilled out guy, I’ve known him going on five years now and he has always been like this.” 

Katie let the matter drop from there for a while, bringing it up almost a month later when Trott had, had the time to process, evaluate and research. He came to the same conclusion and the two talked endlessly for weeks about the subject on how to persuade Ross to get help, they talked themselves in circles more often than not before they finally decided that there was no easy well to tell their friend their concerns and instead just blurted it out over one of their lazy Sunday morning breakfasts.

**********

Defensive was a very tame word to describe how Ross had reacted to being confronted by his friends. At first it was much like Katie assumed it would be, an understated denial that was a little too quick to be wholly true before she continued to prod. It descended into shouts that had never been seen before by the two and had Trott balking whilst Katie ploughed onwards in determination. 

Ross couldn’t remember the last time he had cried before that morning. It could have been years for all he knew, they all seemed to blend together anyway. Time was a concept that didn’t mean much to the dark haired man, days could drag along at a snail’s pace sometimes and yet the months kept on coming, turning into another year and another until he couldn’t rightly recall how long events had been past. 

For five weeks Ross wallowed and thought, he tried everything he could to distract himself. He threw himself into work, took up new games, watched as many films as he could get his hands on, blasted music and generally tried to make it so that he had no more than ten minutes at a time where he would have the opportunity to think about what Katie and Trott had said to him. 

Of course it was all in vain. He thought about nothing but what they had accused, that’s what it felt like. An accusation. A criticism of his failure to be normal like everyone else. 

Normal. 

When he had spat as much at Katie after his time stewing she had took his hand and pulled him into a hug that wore through his anger and had him on the brink of tears. 

“I don’t know what’s the matter with me.” Ross admitted with Katie’s curls tickling the side of his face.


End file.
